Girlfriend Or Music?

Introducing the latest addition to the Attack team: agony aunt, studio guru and hell-raising voice of reason, Charlie Leigh Gamble. Charlie’s opening dilemma is posed by a love-torn Rob S from London. Girlfriend or music: that’s the question.

Dear Charlie

My girlfriend couldn’t accept the fact that I spent most of my spare time making music instead of taking her out and has now walked out on me. What should I do?

Yours,

Rob S, London

 

Charlie replies…

Are you fucking kidding me?! Do you really even have to ask?

For me this is a classic case of “It’s me or the dog.” Most sane people would pick their dog over some needy bitch who clearly has no hobbies and passions of her own. Girls pull the “You spend too much time in the studio and not enough time with me” card because they’re simply insecure. I mean, give yourself some credit, kid! You make music – that must mean you’re an interesting and creative individual, right? 99% of women out there would consider you a catch on this basis alone.

I could break this down by going on a long-winded ramble about neurochemical programming, biological clocks and genetic preference, but I won’t. Just trust me when I say that personally, if I were you I’d call this a lucky escape! Today it’s “But honey… I want to go watch the latest Ashton Kutcher flick, can’t the EQ on that kick drum wait?” Tomorrow she’ll have you selling your vintage synths to pay for an overpriced hunk of sparkly carbon to go on her finger.

Hey, I have an idea! Why don’t you go find a girl that shares the same enthusiasm for music as you? An intellectual and creative equal. Believe it or not, we do exist! In fact, most relationship gurus swear that having common interests is an absolutely fundamental pre-requisite to finding everlasting love!

“Don't pretend you've never fantasised about MIDI cable bondage. Rawr!”

Just think, “shopping” adventures will no longer include standing around for hours in Top Shop while she tries on 10 different pairs of jeans that all look the same. Instead you can just stay in and geek out browsing the latest sample packs and new pieces of gear for the studio.

As a card carrying member of the “I have a vagina club” who also groups herself in the subspecies of audiophile, I can honestly tell you that nothing says sexy time like late night recording sessions where you combine your creative energies for the sole purpose of making deformed audio babies (which of course are better and less expensive than real babies any day!). Don’t pretend you’ve never fantasised about MIDI cable bondage and bending your honey over a mixing desk. Rawr! Now that’s what I call a productive day in the studio.

For the most part, female musicians (at least the ones I know and associate with) are more awesome, more chill and generally less work than normal women. Every male musician should have one to call his own.

Of course, if you really do want her back, just remember to be straightforward with her. If she’s not willing to support your goals and dreams then I’m willing to bet money that it won’t work out in the long run. In fact, I shamefully admit that I’ve made the very same mistake in setting a musical goal aside for a man who just didn’t get the obsession. Sadly, it ended up being one of my biggest regrets. I learned from my mistake and turned it into creative fuel so it wasn’t a total loss, but if anyone ever tried to come between me and the studio again the answer from here on out will always be, “Sorry darling, I choose noise.”

Many great producers have disappeared from the scene because they allowed themselves to become pussy whipped, but at the end of the day you have to follow your heart.

Ask yourself what’s more important to you: this woman who may or may not stick around, or your creative dreams which are a reflection of the very essence of your soul? Can you really spend the rest of your life with someone who can’t appreciate your art? Ultimately the decision is yours to make but just remember this, because the following statement above everything else is a FACT:

True love shouldn’t be hard or complicated. If it is. You’re doing it wrong or she’s not the one.

I wish you all the best, and if you do take her back and eventually find yourself selling your studio to pay for the wedding… well then I beg you, please contact the magazine for my email address. I will be more than happy to give your gear a new home where it’ll be appreciated and put to good use. I’ll even take the cables… like I said, they’re a great alternative to rope during bondage play, even if tying girls up with them tends to kill them quicker than using them for their less exciting intended purpose. But hey, that’s why any serious producer buys the ones with the lifetime guarantee, right?

 

 

Charlie Leigh Gamble is a 12 year veteran (or victim, as she prefers to be called) of the music industry. She’s performed in and broken the laws of over 50 countries, sometimes simultaneously.

She’s armed to the teeth with enough worldly life experiences to fill a book and 100% fluent in the language of nerd.

If you’re looking for advice, brutal honesty, or a little devil on your shoulder to nudge you down a path of troublemaking, debauchery and bad decisions, Charlie is your girl. Send her your dilemmas via the Contact page.

Photo: Joe Alonzo Photography

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  • Words: Charlie Leigh Gamble
  • Date: 13th September 2012
  • sonicboom Wrote:

    LOL! THere’s actually some pretty good advice in here!

  • penguin Wrote:

    Haha, that was one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time. And very to the point, I’ve been battling with the same thing myself! Excellent!

  • Simples Life Wrote:

    Nice :-) I’ll never look at MIDI cables in the same way again…

  • Am_iN7 Wrote:

    @ Charlie Leigh Gamble.. Will YOU Marry Me. ;)

  • gryphene Wrote:

    Listen to Charlie she is a 100% on point…!

    The overly enthusiastic female audiophiles are not a myth… I know for a fact cause I am one myself!

    And I will always choose techno over being made to feel guilty over something I am dedicated too and love.

    Do yourself a favor … move on.. let her move on …

    or in simple straightforward guy terms… ehem

    … GET YOUR DICK OUTTA YOUR HEART !

  • Mo Wrote:

    The best technical article ever written about music reality & life style :)

  • Tania Galvao-Martinez Wrote:

    Hey about those creative women who also don’t have spare time but make time for their partner, have their back to the fullest, and can’t even get one movie date out of them for the past 4 years…oh and they are their wives….hmmm don’t generalize that all women are shallow or have nothing better to do with their time.

    When you are in a relationship with a cool ass chick know what you got before you loose it. Or you’ll just be a geek in the studio who will end up with a shallow chick you paid for with all the time you spent making studio and be bored to death wishing you had that cool ass chick back who just want to spend some time with you.

    The only reason I’m responding to this is because you gave my hubby some amo to post this on his page. Thanks buddy for weighing in on what clearly you have no idea takes time and dedication to build. ( a family ).

  • Phil Wrote:

    Hi,
    Will you marry me?
    Thanks.
    Phil

  • Lucy Wrote:

    Wonder how many musicians engineers roadies etc etc male and female have had this problem and simply given up their dream, and whom could have gone on to great things, scary thought :-/ or on the flip side, those who refused to be side tracked and the noise won :-)

  • Gizeh Urribarri Wrote:

    Great advice if you have a girlfriend totally true. The absolute WORST advice if you are married or worse if you have a family which the writer clearly has no experience in if you are married you still get to play and hang out and make music together but you MUST make time for some romance and some change up if you are married which by definition means you are in it for.the long haul- u can only have sex so mny times in the studio before u need to do something different so it doesn’t get old, and if u want it to last then u need to invest. Another thing altogether if there are children. Sorry to say they didn’t ask to be born and are not going to raise themselves, they tale a priority- PERIOD. if you want to avoid regretsyou should NEVER put music before them or you will face the biggest regret of all, which is missing watching them grow because you are too selfish and immature. I am a musician, and so is my husband. I still write songs nd play guitar everynight and he still plays drums and makes techno, but our kids are taken cared of first and foremost and our day jobs are a huge priority and we are both VERY good at what we do. At the point in time that the writer seems to be at she is totally right on the money and you MUST find someone who gets you, shares with you and respects this huge aspect of your life or either it will not work or part of you will forever die. If this relationship makes it to the next level, then unfortunately you need to grow up and change your priorities some. You need to make money to be independent and make a life together, and when kids come THEY no. 1. Now it does have perks when 2 artist procreate and make artistically genius babies that cryfor drumsticks since age 2, and draw like professional cartoonists at age 6, but Dr. Spots, and back to school.nights, and help with hw, are a reality and little girlsdeserve a daddy to treat them like princesses and set that standard real high as well as teach them guitar, and little boys deserve a daddy to teach them how to be a real man, and the BEAT gift that any couple can give their children is an awesome and healthy relationship that is NOT co-dependant, but has pleanty of creativity, aupport , and yes ladies ans gentes a LOT of romance… Uf yiu KNOW this is NOT.for.u and can never find balance tie your tubes get a visectomy and never ever get married and just have fun. Therea nothing wrong with that, if you already are then put on your big Boy or Furl.chonies pony up, and grow up, you have bigger responsibilities with bigger rewards now, keep it going of course but family.comes first, and make sure to nurture your kids natural abilities that they inherited from you while you are at it. Yes you can have a totally musical family. Our living room is our music room complete with drum set, and my electric and acoustic guitars, my bedroom is a music studio jam packed… That we enjoy together.

  • Living in Hole Wrote:

    Where are all the hot awesome girls like Charlie!!?!! Fuck I live in a hole.